The albino alligator lay upon the Amazon shore
Until he spotted Anthony Bourdain and decided to implore…
“I’m terribly impressed with that thing upon your head…
Shall you give it to me now, or shall I take it when you’re dead?”
Replied Anthony Bourdain with some snide and bit of snark,
“Oh, yeah? What if I eat you first, you mother friggin’ jerk?”
“But it’s so cold at night,” whimpered Allie Al-byne-oh.
“I would knit one but I don’t know how to knit, you know.”
“It’s a pussyhat; just buy one on the Etsy, silly croc…”
…Said Bourdain, who sounded awfully like a liberated jock.
—Original “Anthony Bourdain and Albino Alligator” postcard
created by Patricia Landon. (Pussyhat added by yours truly.)